cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
