I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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