Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
