i permit you to call me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
