Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i drank out of a bidet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
