nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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