he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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