i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
