he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
