do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
