ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
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the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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