...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
