drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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