i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
