it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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