I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is the high leading the old right now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b