My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out