What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?