He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.