i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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