My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
