Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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