My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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