i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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