Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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