He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
