I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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