my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
