He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How does one acquire holy water?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
