He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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