there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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