after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
