I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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