Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
