I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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