um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am one with the molecules
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dick very happy bro
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
