You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
