Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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