Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize