ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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