please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
