She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
