i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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