we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
