please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
