got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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