i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
