This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
