Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
