So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
even my farts smell like vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Help. Why am I so naked?
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