If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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