I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
