it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
