$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
