She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
