you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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