i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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