Nicole vs. Life
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
