Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
