I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Your penis caused this!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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