ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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