I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
