on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You pole danced in your parka.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
