Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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