This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
