were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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