Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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