We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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