you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
