mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
