In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
