the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
