My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
